Mormon Tag​-​Team

by The Rear Admirals

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released March 17, 2014

Music and lyrics by Alex Gates and Samuel Rogerson.



all rights reserved


The Rear Admirals Melbourne, Australia

one day Alexander Gates and Samuel Rogerson hi-fived and accidentally created the world's greatest two-piece pumping out fresh jams to jack up yer kilt.

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Track Name: I Love You, Sorry I'm a Dick
I wish there was a Hallmark card that says:
"I know I'm wrong; sorry I'm a shithead."
Do you ever feel like nobody respects you?
That's because you're awful, and you don't deserve respect.

I've got a window of oppurtunity that's closing quick
And I've got medication for this but I have run out of it
So I'll take what's left of my dignity and drop it like a brick;
I love you, sorry I'm an asshole.

I like to think that when I put pen to paper
Somehow ten minutes later, I'll have rewritten all my wrongs
As if the words you never said to the one who wanted you
Somehow much more meaningful because you put them in a song.

Go write her another one and she'll be yours again
Another witty lyric and she'll forget about her boyfriend
Some overdue honesty just might do the trick;
I love you, sorry I'm an asshole.
Track Name: The Walter White Solution
I know I'm screwed, better break out the blue
Be it amphetamine, or how I feel without you.
Don't run from your problems; be a man and face it
Whether it's the ex-girlfriend in your head, or the dealer chained up in your basement.

But I'll be fine in this wretched hellhole of my mind
Where I'm forced to live without you.
And I'll survive if I blur every moral line
And I do whatever Heisenberg would do.

When I read your confessions I ran faster than I have before
I took refuge underneath a blanket on my bedroom floor.
If I'm not the best lay you've had, I don't know what I've got
Besides a heart that stalls like a broken RV and a passion for kissing you a lot.

But I'll be fine...

The things you locked away will destroy you if you let them
Pay off the inmates to sharpen their shanks and get 'em.
I am the danger; I'm gonna fight
In a couple of minutes, Mike, your boss is going to need me alive...

And I'll be fine...
Track Name: I Didn't Have Far to Fall
Well, joke's on you; I didn't have far to fall
And I didn't crawl back to you.
I heard that you hate me now
Well, I was doing that before it was cool.

Have you heard the news? The Gallaghers were murdered tonight
Police are confused; there's not a trace of blood in sight.
Are you feeling used? A song you love
Covered by people you don't like.

It's a set of six; four are Wonderall
One ironic classic, one original for you all;
"Moments in the sun, ocean breeze
"Forget me not, fuck me please."

Well, joke's on you...
Track Name: Lemon Lime Bitter and Twisted
Well I didn't go out too much
I was working hard to take you to lunch
And running around to buy you stuff
I'm sorry.

I spent four years of my life
Thinking there's a good chance you could be my wife
And know that you're gone I feel I'm in strife
And I'm fucked, fucked, fucked, fucked

I could wait tables for the rest of my days
Working off my ass for a minimum wage
And chasing girls that are underage
I'm sorry; it's just not me.

You said you hate girls with no self-respect
Well I love girls with no gag reflex
Going nowhere in life but still getting a head
I'm happy.

How you going to find another boy that can manage
22-tonnes of emotional baggage
Good luck cramming that in the wedding carriage
My darling.
Track Name: Kentucky Teenage Vampires
The Kentucky teenage vampires took another soul last night
Thank God for our light-up Jesus and his holy luminous might
Hot August night down at the roller-disco rink
There's music to dance to and there's lots to drink.

They're out in force; you'll be next
Lock your doors, guard your necks.
And if you ignore the problem, it might move someplace else
They did this to themselves
They did this to themselves...

Well it's their town, you just live in it
They were feeling down and you decided to ignore it
Hot August night down at the roller-disco rink
There's music to dance to and there's fresh blood to drink.

They're out in force...
Track Name: Oxford Scholar, Spiked Collar
It's my first day at Oxford and I'm not feeling very self-assured
I've been walking for miles up and down these marble halls
An Irish girl with ivory skin passes me by
I'm much too shy.

Did you think you were different to them?
Because you read Keats when you were in Year 10?
I don't think she thinks you're different at all;
Oxford scholar, spiked collar.

It's my first week at Oxford and I'm not feeling very self-assured
There are legion and scores of bookish boys knocking at your door
I write you heartfelt letters on my hardwood flooring
I'm just so boring.

Did you think you were different to them?...

I left a part of me on your floor and you said I could keep it
Angel, my lips are sealed and I won't share your Victoria Secret
Wake up yawning, stretching beside me, yawning
Barely a smile when we're partners Friday morning.

Oh, we got a passing grade
And all it got me was a passing wave
I don't think you think I'm special at all;
Oxford scholar, spiked collar.